On Being a New Mom

This Mom thing is bittersweet...

My old life where I knew who I was and where I belonged is gone. In its place is a new strange thing that is now my life. In the beginning I felt nothing like myself, I really struggled with that. My husband was my saving grace during this time. I was reading all the books and blogs on how to be a good Mommy, do this- don't do that, and I just felt pressure to be the "right kind of mom". I struggled with taking time for myself and had this inner war dialogue over every single decision I made throughout the day. I have always liked to be good at things, and being a new mom was harder than I could've ever imagined. And needless to say, I wasn't "good" at it right off the bat. I was in physical pain and I could not stop crying (hello hormones) but I loved my new baby boy more than anything. 

 As time passed I started to settle into my new role and I realized one very valuable thing: this is my family and the way my son (and my husband) remember me is up to me. A frazzled woman who only has dreams in the past is not what I want my son to know me as. I am learning everyday that I am more than I thought I was. I can be the kind of Mom I want to be and still feel like me. Discovering the way I will mother my son and future children is a process that takes time, prayer and trial and error. 
 My son is my new world and I think I am learning how to be a good mom and feel like a better version of myself one day at a time. And you know what, thats good for me and my son. 

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